i forgot to say that quitting my job was one of the VERY BEST decisions i've ever made in my life (besides becoming a mama). i tell you, why didn't anybody tell me how unhappy i was??? since i quit, so many people have commented on how happy i look, how relaxed, how i'm glowing, etc. duh -- i hated my job!! i have to say thank goodness for my supportive husband who is the sole provider at the moment ( i know he has hope that i will pull through soon with something better than before, as i have in the past) -- without him working we'd be up shit creek -- so thank you.

so i continue in my domestic bliss....about to eat my homemade caramel sauce with vanilla frozen yogurt. did i mention, in my bliss my goal is to continue my exercise regime (except for the past week i've been sick and haven't been able to) and am for the first time in my adult life trying the whole calorie counting thing. i want to get back to my 112 in a healthy and balanced way. i have 7 pounds to go.....yipeee

domestic bliss...today

hmmmm....where to start.....

well, i quit my job about 1 1/2 months ago. at times i've felt like i was crazy to do so considering 1. the job itself

2. how much money i made &

3. considering we're in something similar to a depression and people are losing their jobs left and right, it felt kind of arrogant

it started with a few things --- more hours, less pay, the feeling of anger & resentment that became more and more evident within my psyche. i went away on a trip with my family (the first in 2 years) and although i requested not to be bothered, my job was not allowing me a much needed getaway. the more and more i got upset, the clearer it became -- my job had taken over my life. my kids, husband, myself were completely neglected and my soul was not going to stand for it one more month. a 'voice' or a feeling, something spoke to me so loud and clear that it could not be ignored. i needed to quit my job - the job that most of my friends and relatives have been so envious of because i 'play' with the rich and famous who visit my island. i have to admit, the first year was great. i met, hosted, planned trips to celebs most only dream of meeting. i loved it -- until it took over my entire life. i let it. i became so over identified with who i was -- that i was part of this circle only a very small few were priveledged to be a part of. but that's the thing, i stopped giving a shit. i didn't care who was who anymore - and still don't. we're all human - we all eat, sleep, love, cry, laugh, etc -- celebrity, rich, poor, middle class, black, white, brown, yellow or green.

so here i am - thirty three years old, mother of three, wife, ex wife, aunty, daughter, sister and unemployed - searching for myself, my true self. not to say that this is the first time. i've been on the look for years. i've read more self help books than you can imagine - i feel like i know wayne dyer & deepak, katie byron, paulo cohelo, and all the like. i have been to conventional therapy, 'soul' therapy, workshops up the ying yang. i wouldn't call myself a 'new ager' because first i think i'm too young and second i'm way too much of a sceptic and totally believe that as much as there is light there is dark. anyway, to get on with it -- i realized today, while at home taking care of my sick child that i LOVE being a mother and wife. who knew?? i always thought that i had to BE something else. but why? yes, there is a part of me that wants to make an impact on the world, to do something creative that will get acknowledged by others, but first i feel like i have to find what i love...and i've found a piece. today i went through about 15 of my martha stewart living magazines and cut out all the recipes that inspire me & all the decorating ideas that i love and am putting together my own version -- cutting and pasting so that i don't have to search through the ads and shit i don't like. in addition, i made an AMAZING dinner and homemade organic caramel!! i am thoroughly impressed with me :)